I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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