she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
