"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
