some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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