I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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