There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
