Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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