if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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