Dual....:-)
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
