i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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