We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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