I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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