so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Rumble strips road head = magical
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
