But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
