Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
