well most of my day revolves around power hour
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
