I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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