I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
