i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
