you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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