I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
