How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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