we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
