i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
