Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
