Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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