I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
