remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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