just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
