We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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