Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Randomize
