it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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