Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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