My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
