party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
