When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
