I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
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