I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
