so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
A bitchslap is in order.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
