Whod you bang
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
