O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
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