Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
