If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
