I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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