Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
