If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Randomize
