Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
