JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
