Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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