Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
one two three fourrrrnication!
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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